Busy days this week.

That was fast! I submitted my application to FISH, Inc. yesterday afternoon (Sunday), and I already received replies. In addition to needing help with food and clothing support in their main areas, they might also need assistance with their Access SQL database applications. I do have experience with Access—it wasn't exactly my favorite task, but SQL databases tend to work similarly across various platforms.

I’m not entirely sure I want to go in that direction, though. While it would be helpful to them, it feels more like work than giving back, which is not quite what I had in mind for my "becoming the best I can be" goals. My focus is on giving back to the community in a more hands-on way. I requested Tuesdays or Thursdays for volunteering, so maybe I could balance one day with more basic tasks and the other for database support. I plan to respond this morning, requesting the Wednesday morning interview for the basic work and remaining open to a follow-up conversation with their I.T. representative. It feels good to move forward, even if it's just one small step toward my goals.

On a more personal note: I know that I’ve hurt you deeply, and I understand how much anger and pain I've caused. But this is something I have to work through alone. Last night, I felt such a strong love for you, like my heart could burst with the thought of you.

I’m in this for the long haul. I believe we both need this time apart to heal, so that maybe one day, we can come back together—without fear, without regret, without hesitation. I wish I hadn’t given back the step stool. I never told you this, but every time you came over, I would eagerly wait by the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of your car turning into the court. And holding you in my arms was the most incredible feeling—I could have stood there forever. Can someone who waits so anxiously for that moment not call it love?

I still remember our night at the Ironworks Hotel. You felt more like a true partner than either of my previous wives ever did. The love and care you showed me that night were beyond anything I've ever experienced. I want to work through this, and I'm committed to doing whatever it takes on my end to sort out my issues. Shirley sent me a text yesterday saying, "Lots to discuss at our sessions!"—and she’s right.

Have a wonderful day, Sweetheart. I miss you deeply. Wish me luck on my PB tournament play tonight. We got this!